I am who I am......

Dear Dad

2011-05-09T08:03:00.003-04:00

Dear Dad,

The two months surrounding your death have been tough for me. Finding out I am more like you every day. There are great things and really bad things that I am finding out about myself every day. You have always tried to be there for me and when people say they lost their parents but got to see them before they died and talk to them makes me more miserable than you know. I feel guilty about spending the money you left me but I continue my shopping sprees hoping that it will ease the pain but I am back to where I started with more stuff.
I fell out of my shower this week and had to go to the doctor. I wish you could of met my friends because they are the best. Kari, Curtis' wife, took me to the doctor to only hear the horror that is my medical problems. I got irritated with her because she was irritated with me but in a concerned way. She wants to know why I dont take care of myself but I have no answers so I throw an attitude at her because to me that is easier than dealing with the fact that I do not know why.
I have gotten closer to bonnie since you died. I know we made promises to stay in contact but with my hectic schedule I have fallen back into my same routine. We speak about how we miss you and how you were with your own medical issues and makes me realize that I am just like you in so many ways that it is scary. My one question when you went into your coma was, "Why didnt you take better care of yourelf?" Then I realize that is probably the same questions my friends ask of me.
I never talked to you about what happened to me as a child because what could you do this late in my life and I think a lot of my childhood issues go around that trouble but I know I have to let the past go. I started puting on weight because it was easier so no one would want to touch me then it turned into the one thing that I could control, my weight, ended up being something that took control of me.
I have to let you go because I miss you so much. I know you are better now and I hope one day I feel the peace that you feel and stop hurting everyday of my life. I hope you know how much I love you and that one day, hopefully soon, we will see eachother again and I can be at peace instead of hurting everyday. I think twenty years will be enough or maybe thirty if I start changing now. I know that the damage is already done but I know I can change, I just dont know how. I have to go but I will write again soon.
Hope you are at peace and have lots of love,
your son
Michael

Dear Dad

2011-03-23T17:21:00.002-04:00

Dad,

I thought of you today. It was not that hard since I had to go to the funeral home and sign some paperwork. I feel like there is a part missing from my heart. I took advantage of the time we had together and I regret that I did not try harder. Even thou you and I did not seem to have the greatest of relationships, I am left sad. The last thing I said to you when you called me was "I am too busy to talk right now, call you later." There was no I love you after that, for that I have to live with that the rest of my life.
People say that people in a coma can hear you, I spoke with you the days leading to your passing, I hope you heard me. I thank you for making me and giving me life. I hope that you were not terribly disappointed in me. I will love you forever and I will write again soon.

Love your son
Michael

New Year....New Changes.....

2011-01-15T13:48:00.002-05:00

It seems like everyone in my life is changing but me. I mean I have made changes in my social and professional life, but I am still the same person I was last year. I do not know how to fix what is broken, move on, and most important live. I am still stuck in this hole of wanting to stay the way I have been when I was young and still have the people in my life I did. Nikki is giving birth to her first child and I could not be happier for me. Why does it feel that she moved on and forgot about me? I know she has a family now but we use to talk everyday and then for some reason stopped. I miss it and her.
School is going great, an A student if you can believe it but as some people would say it is easy but not for me. Just because I do my homework at a computer and not in a classroom does not mean that I do not work as equally hard, does it?
I want to say to hell with some people in my life but I love them and my nerves are raw and I just want to be understanding that everyone has there own views, but cant they do the same for me? Know that my feelings are equally as important.
My nerves have been shot lately and I am ready to give up. Just move and give up everything. Then reality steps in. Everyone around me has a kids, spouse, love and I am so jealous that I can not see straight, but then I realize for a split second that I am lucky and then go back to being depressed. Welcome 2011 right now it feels the same as 2010.
No peace and love just done.

OFFENDED MANY,maybe?

2010-12-09T07:38:00.002-05:00

OK I am back for a few post to see if I can keep up with it because I am bored out of my mind on a laptop that I bought for school. It is going great, I am an A- Student with a 3.67 GPA, my major is accounting and I only have 12 classes and I graduate with my associates. I can not believe in a year I will be a college graduate. The third in my family. My Aunt Lucy a nurse, My sister in law and best friend Kari, from Armstrong, and me. I never thought that would ever happen but it looks like it is going to come true, I just hope not to screw it up. I think that it is true what they say, when you are forced to go to school you might not do that good a job, but having the job that I want is making me see that school is the only option and I have to do this. So that is school in a nut shell.
This year has flown by so fast and I have been in such a bad state with my health that I am trying to change but it just seems like I take two steps forward and eight steps back. I do not think that I will ever quit smoking. I do not know how my grandmother did it. I know it is a force of the mind but hell I need something in my life since I can not eat sweets anymore.(LOL) No that is just an excuse. Maybe one day I can set them down for good.
I can not believe that this year is coming to a close already and how my my family and I are growing up and moving on. My brothers David and Curtis and their wives bought houses, Nicole is about to give birth, and I moved out into the world on my own thanks to Kari and Curtis, who will never know how much I love them for that;). I have a lot of good friends that I have gotten really close to this year and we have been though a lot of trials I still love them all.
I am not a Christmas person, never have been. I remember being happy on Christmas morning when I was younger and as I gotten older just stopped. I really try not to let my negativity infect others and when I am around my nephews and nieces I will be on my best behavior, the only thing I as is not to try and change the way I feel to benefit your happiness. I hope this year hurries up and gets done so I can graduate.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!

No smoking

2010-06-01T10:14:00.002-04:00

It has been almost a month since I quit smoking. I think I am going to really quit this time and I am so excited. I am kinda glad that I do not smoke anymore because I am on the verge of really saving some serious dough. I do not even want it anymore. I still have the cravings but like any drug I just need some time and take it day by day. So here we are. I am excited about everything these days and I think it is the drugs. Got to go feed animals now.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday

2010-05-08T11:17:00.002-04:00

Had fun yesterday with my Sis in law Kari. We went shopping in Savannah for Mother's day. I like the shoes she picked out. I can not believe the prices on shoes anymore. I also need a craft to keep my hands busy so I went by Michael's craft store and picked up a cross stitch pattern.
Me and Dona hung out yesterday morning and had fun. I am going to spend today just laying around and sleeping, then I am going over to Kari's and hanging out till I have to pick up Pete from work.
Peace and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 Days and Counting

2010-05-06T10:39:00.002-04:00

Not too many people in my life believe that I will be able to stop smoking but I actually believe that this time is the final straw. When you go into the hospital it opens a set of doors that make you scared to do certain things. I have a lot of support in my life and a lot of people who mean well but do not know they are frustrating. I will keep names out of it. I went into the hospital and I came out a different person. I can not worry if I hurt your feelings but now I have to focus on my own and worry about me. But the question is, How do I do that?
I have always wanted to make people happy and not worry about myself, that I do not know how to focus on myself. I am going to learn and I have a lot of people who are going to whip me into shape, so to speak. I think that I will have a hard road but what a lot of people have to understand that it is a lot of changing to do over night and I can not be expected to change everything at once but I will get there eventually and this time I plan on changing.
Thanks to everyone in my life you guys are great and you know who you are.

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long week and More

2010-05-02T20:26:00.002-04:00

This week has been eventful say the least. I have finally reached my pivotal fall that everyone knew was coming and I can say is I am actually relieved that it happened. I have been living so fast for so long that it was bound to catch up with me. Right?
I have not smoked a cigarette in a week and a day. 8 days without a cigarette and I am still ready to hurt someone. I guess that also has to go with the fact that I am on a diet also, doctors orders. I am not trying to do to much this week just have to recover and can not go back to work till the 11Th of May. I can not believe it. I hate the fact that I have to be out of work. Especially since it is inspection and I will not be there.
I am taking it easy but tomorrow I am going to take a friend to work and go to Kari's and rest all day. I am thankful to everyone this week and especially to Kari because she has kept me sane is going to help me get my life back on track. I can not believe that I am having to face my demons. I have a lot of them and I am glad that I have someone like Kari to talk to. I am not good at taking it easy so I am just like going with the flow and I hope that everyone knows that they do not have to change for me that I am the one that has to change for them. As soon as I am over this bronchitis I am going to get healthier and after my doctors appointment see if I can do what it is that I want to do without the eating and the smoking. I just do not understand why it is that it was so easy for me to quit smoking the first time and now it is like death.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry

2010-04-15T11:13:00.001-04:00

To everyone I made mad by my attitude I am sorry. When I get on my high horse I tend not to care who I piss off when I am mad so for this if you got the brunt of my attitude I apologize.

A Good day

2010-04-09T13:24:00.005-04:00

Thursday started off really good. I could not sleep so I did not go to bed until 5:00 a.m and slept till about 10ish. I went to lunch with Kari at the Famous Asia next to my Food Lion. I came home and took a nap. I then spent the rest of the day at my house, not going anywhere or doing anything. I kind of like the feeling, although I think my electric bill is going to be through the roof. I also had April stop by. She is now the Manager of Port Wentworth and I am happy for her because I think she will do a great job. I feel bad for her the way the other Manager left the store but although she does have her work cut out for her she will do fine.

After April left I took another nap. Why is it all I want to do lately is sleep? I love my new camera because I got a lot of cute pictures. Michelle just looks tired because she is working hard. Oh yeah Brenda and Michelle showed up last night and we talked and had a good time. I am starting to like living on my own even better than before. I hope today will bring fun. I have Amber and Johnny comming over tonight and we are making spaghetti and playing cards. Sounds like fun huh? I only have to work for like three hours today so I am going to get ready. YAY

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Easter

2010-04-05T08:14:00.012-04:00

The day started off like any other. Got up on a Sunday and Went to work, came home and took a nap, sounds like fun Huh? I got up around 1 and went to my my grandmother's house. I spent most of the time doing my assignment for my US101 class, but nonetheless I had an OK time. I stayed away from the drama. I wish Kari and Curt could of been there but I had Ashley and David so I was good.

I made a totally bad purchase for myself, I bought a new digital camera. It cost an arm and a leg but it was worth it and I love it and I am going to take many pictures with it. I took a lot yesterday but some of them got erased because I was still learning the camera.

After I went to grandma's house I saw an old friend Amber who worked with me at Flash Foods. I spent a couple of hours with her and Johnny and their many animals. We played this game called moment of truth, which I won. I am the bomb at games. I really miss seeing her all the time, I wish she was not moving back to Texas but I understand why. We plan on seeing each other and traveling on vacations so we will see.

I then went and saw my dad for a few minutes, no news to report. He is still sick. I hope that he gets himself together.

Then I made it to Curt and Kari's. We had cheese cake and talked and threw Easter eggs at each other, good times. I love going over there. It is fun to just goof off like we did as kids. I like seeing David and Ashley more, as well as Curt and Kari.

Can I say I am a little aggravated right now. Work is going OK I got some news that the manager I covered for left the company. I did not get the store. I think I am OK with it. I wish April luck, she was the Assistant, but made Manager. I really hope she does well. I am disappointed but understand why she got it. I still have my position and bonuses and will eventually get my own store so I think I am good for right now. Hey I am trying to be grown up about it. I have to work till midnight to night so I will write later.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!

A NEW YEAR!?!?!?!?!?

2010-03-30T09:27:00.003-04:00

Most people's year begin on the new year mine is on my birthday. That is when I make my new years resolution. I am thinking this year is going to different for me since I am in my last year of my twenties. Where did the decade go. I remember coming back to Georgia, becoming legal, meeting my new friends, new jobs, fights, and good times.
Sometimes my bad years over shadow my good ones. Like I do not know how to be happy. I use to find that just being miserable was easier than having to deal with the reality of things I just did not want to deal with. I am trying this year to be happy no matter what. Hey I think I might not accomplish it but it is a nice dream.
This week I got my grade back from one of the classes that I did not do so well on my mid term and I still have an A so I am good. I am really going to study for my final and make sure I take notes. I really like school, I just do not know if I am any good at it. I am hoping I get my Degree it is like a dream I have had since New York.
Well today is suppose to be my off day but I have a meeting at 3:00 at work. I hate when a meeting is scheduled at the end of a day like right in the middle. I am so tired. I am off of caffeine so I am still drained so I am working it out.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Birthday!!

2010-03-28T22:19:00.003-04:00

My birthday was Friday and it was awesome. The oracle and her apprentice showed up at my door at midnight with a cake on fire. We had cake and coffee and talked and took pictures. I love them for it. In life if you are blessed with one good friend then you are great, I have many in my circle. They are all great people.

It has been a while since I posted. I am kind of like a social poster, I only post when people say, "hey it has been a while since you posted.";)

I am on the verge of something great with school. I tanked my mid terms but I am still in the a category so I am doing good. I know a D is not failing but it is not good or anything to be proud of either. Oh that is right, for those of you reading I have gone back to school for my Associates Degree in Accounting and Business. I want to go further in my company but the only way to get to cooperate besides time with the company is a piece of paper that says I went to school. I want more out of life than the every day shit.

I moved into my own place also. A lot of people are like you ok with that decision, and I am like yes. I love it. It does get a little lonely but I am thinking I am going to be alone for ever anyway so I mine as well get use to it.

It is not the pity party express it is me realizing that I have to fix me first. I will get to it eventually I guess.

2010-01-31T11:45:00.002-05:00

A new year, I know it has been a while since I have updated and I am sorry about that. Many changes are happening this year. I have been promoted, getting my own place, and dealing with family drama. I have to take a second to thank my brother and sister in law whom I love to death. They are the reason why I get to live on my own. I do not know what I would do without them.
I have become a manager of the Flash Foods in Port Wentworth. Before you get all excited, It is a temporary promotion and I have to give the store back when the manager when she returns from Maternity leave. I am fine with that cause it is her store. I did ask my boss if I could maybe travel some for the company when my time as manager is up. He did not say no so lets see how that works out. I hope it goes through so keep your fingers crossed.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swine Flu Epidemic!!

2009-10-19T11:09:00.002-04:00

If you think things can not happen to you, if you think you are invincible then I'm sorry to tell you that no matter how much you think that you are religious you are not or never will be above anyone. My friend Pris just got some bad news that kinda struck me in a weird way. One of her good friends from the past is in a coma due to swine flu. It has got me to thinking about my current situation with my diabetes. I am walking around in a fog thinking that I can not be struck down. I am so concerned about my medical state when there are people out there like Pris' friend who are worse off than I could even imagine. I feel for her family and wish her a safe recovery.
I just can not seem to get my lies straight anymore. I feel it is better to lie about my meds and my sugar cause I do not want to hear about it. I have to realize that I am the lucky one in this situation to actually have people who care about me. Why is it that I have this thing that wants to just live the way I have been living and not wanting to hear the advice of close friends and family. Am I a self destructive person, or am I living in a world of denial?
Sam came back from vacation and I did not realized how much I missed her. I am at Pris' house right now hanging then it is off to work. I think she had fun but it is hard to tell. Welcome back Sam. Work is going to be fun tonight cause I get to work with Amber. I like working with her cause the time goes by fast and she is a hard worker. So here is to a night of work and hopefully it is a fast one.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Morning Out!!

2009-10-15T10:47:00.002-04:00

Decided that I need some gab time with Sam and Pete this morning. I am on the verge of an all out mental break down . I have never been able to really express myself until I met the people that I have in my life now. I have decided with help of Kari that an all out trip to the beach has become nessecary for me not to lose my mind. I just need some rest. I think that is the root of my problem is the fact that I have not ever had a break. I just need to get away from myself.
I have put all my time and thoughts into what I thought was my career, or as other people call it just a job. I do not consider that a job cause I am putting everything in it that I have. I have been permoted to Assistant Manager which is a great thing and I love it but I have been a Manager for so long that I know that I am ready for more.
I just have a lot to figure out and I think this trip is a long time comming. I have to wait for my vacation and I know that I can get a lot figured out if I lock myself away and just think. I can figure out who I am and what I want to be when I grow up.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donuts and Taxes!!!

2009-10-12T10:48:00.005-04:00

This morning was a great morning, we had donuts, and for those of use with diabetes it is a true treat when you can have things like that. Pris is great and I love her to death. I got together with my coffee friends for donuts and gab. The only one missing was Brenda, but she had to work. I love getting together with them. I am as close to them as you can get. My friends are like my family and I love getting together. I always feel weird talking about my issues. Cause it is the same things over and over again. Atleast I can get things off my chest. I got to work today, from two till eight which is not a bad thing but I have to work with this one person that I know I will have to work all the side work by myself. One topic of consversation you should never talk about is taxes and money, which I think is the same thing. I love get togethers it is like bipolar centeral when you are trying to get your point accross. I guess we will learn that taxes and polictics can not be disscussed in our group lol.

Peace and Love.

Hello months flown by

2009-10-11T19:55:00.003-04:00

I am back to blogging for the time being. Let's see how long it lasts this time. I have a new challenge in my life I found out about in June. I have Type 2 diabeties. I am listening to all these people talk about how it was a way that I was trying to slowly kill myself but I am thinking that maybe in some ways they might be right. I just never knew that I was doing it. Am I a person of self destruction? I am wondering that in all my time on this earth I have never felt more lost and alone than I feel at this very moment. I have a lot of people in my life that I love and I would do anything for, but I still feel alone and that scares me the most cause I fear that will cause me to lose everything that I treasure in my life.
I have a close group of friends but I feel that on some level that I tend to irritate there nervers or they feel that I am a leech. Am I a leech? I know they tell me that I am not but for some reason I still feel that way. They tell me that it is all in my head and that if they have a problem with me they would tell me. Am I turning into my mother? Maybe I am like my mother with paranoid delusions that everyone is talking about me even though I know it is called Planet Earth not Planet Michael. In my head though are all these thoughts that scare me down to my core. I know everylife has purpose and is special. Blah Blah Blah but if that is the case then what is mine? People are like turn to god he has all the answers, but how can I turn to something that I am not cerntainly true even exsists.
Family: Me and my grandmother are having a who can freeze out who the longest contest and as of right now we are tied. It all started with Ashley and Davids reception when I was joking with a pair of high heeled shoes and my grandmother said and I quote "I do not find that funny," I do not know why but I lost it and left mad. I do not even remember saying bye to her. I love her alot but she has her views. I have come to realize that in my family it is ok to be who you are as long as you do not show who you are cause it could cause an extreme amout of imbarassment. Then the next Sunday my grandmother went off about My sister in law and I lost it. I told her how I felt and that she was wrong, cause the girl has been respectful to her and never said a cross word about her and she accused me of taking up for her and that I never do that for the family. She does not claim Bob's kids but she claims nikki's stepson and that is wrong, you can not pick and choose who you family is. Mom and my step father have been together going on twenty years, she needs to get over it and accept the fact that mom is not leaving him I am mean come on I have. Sort of LOL, I love everyone in my life but when I express my feelings to members of my family all I get is "You know how she is, Let her have her say she is old, and she has done a lot for you."
I appreciate all my grandmother has done for me but when is enough enough? I love her but right now I think it is just better for her if I do not go around seems how she has nothing nice to say but insults when I do go around her. I hope I get over being depressed soon. I need to be happy, I think I deserve to be happy.

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can change..........Or can you?

2009-04-24T15:16:00.002-04:00

I am wondering if people can actually change in any period of time or is it just getting older has stopped you from be able to fake it? I use to say, I remember when 5 years ago my attiude was so much easier to get a long with. Is that true to feel that way or am I getting older now to say, hmmmm i just do not feel like being nice anymore. LOL

Thursday was great. Brenda and I went to Statesboro to get the phone bill money from Danny. That was eventful. We went out to luch at Chilli's. I have never been there before, and I was amazed at how good the food was. I thought........hmmm this is really good. I have noticed that Brenda is really stressed lately but when you get her out the store she is a blast. I have been gaming and hanging out with her a lot more and it is really cool.

Fastforward to today. It started out very eventful. It started out really great and ended terrific. Besides work I went to dinner with Sean and Priscilla, Sam and Roger, Donna and Carl. I had a great time. We went to the Olive Garden. I had a blast and now goes the hard part, staying up all night getting ready for tomorrow. I go back to working the midnight shift after like about four months of not doing it. I think that it will be ok.

More to come
Peace and L0ve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Am, a poem by me!!!!!!!

2009-04-20T19:58:00.002-04:00

I am a person with strong opinions and unfolding dreams.
I see the light of the world shining on my every thought.
I hear the sounds of a thousand bells ringing in my every decision.
I want to soar into new heights in the coming year.
I am a person with strong opinions and unfolding dreams.

I believe that one day my life will be what I have meant it to be.
I know that my parents and friends will always be there for me.
I feel the slow pull of gravity in the direction that is the right path for me.
I hold the key to a better tomorrow.
I am a person with strong opinions and unfolding dreams.

I aspire to teach betters ways for the youth of tomorrow.
I think that every one sets their own path in life.
I know that my journey is not yet complete.
I move towards a better tomorrow.
I am a person with strong opinions and unfolding dreams.

To Nicole and Chris

2009-04-16T10:41:00.002-04:00

To the new Mr. and Mrs. Hite,
Let's start off by saying that your wedding was absoultly beautiful. Nothing was more beautiful than the bride, or course. Nicole, you looked absolutly georgious in your dress. I just wanted to send out the bestest wishes for you in your married life. I hope that you have a long and wonderous married life.

Peace and Love

The Wedding

2009-04-05T05:38:00.006-04:00

Many of things that I have said over the last six months need correction. I had a good time at Nicole's wedding yesterday. I hope she knows how proud I am and how much I love her.

I wish Chris and Nicole all the luck in the world.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

2009-03-31T22:15:00.003-04:00

I look in the mirror these days and I do not know the person staring back at me. I have become this needy, winy person that I was not years ago. I search my mind and I am like, dude really. I think I am starting to get on every one's nerves, if I have not already. I know I have more to be thankful for than bad and it just does not stop me from feeling like a failure, in my career and my personal life.

I am a bad gay man, or so my friends always tell me. I do not care about dressing up, I am not preppy by any means. I only dress to the tee when I have to and even then I am a tard. My idea of dressing up is tee shirts, shorts, and flip flops. Maybe I am better off alone. Maybe I should leave and start my life over again. I think too much. Sometimes I feel that I would be better off if I just went away.

How do I become a better man. Gay or whatever you would consider me at this stage of my life. Maybe Michelle is right, maybe I am a bitter, unhappy soul that tries to feel better by making others unhappy. I mean come on, what do I have to offer a guy, or myself for that matter? Alone is the only thing I see in my future. I have great friends and a good job why do I feel I need a man to fulfill me. Is a relationship really that important? I mean it must be for me to keep going on about it. I just feel alone and unwanted. I feel used and under appreciated. I know it is all in my head but why would anyone want to be with me? Maybe I am destined to be alone. I do not know. All I know is that I want to be happy but I just do not know how.

Peace and Love!!!!!

Wedding Week Blues

2009-03-31T07:49:00.004-04:00

It is down to the wire and everyone in my family is running around like they have the sense god gave a goat. I hope that she is happy. All that I can do is wish Nikki and Chris all the luck in the world and no matter how much I fought it in the beginning I wish only the best for her. She is a great person and one of the first that I came out to. She is like my sister. She deserves to be happy. Good Luck Nicole, I really hope your wedding is as wonderful as I know it will be.

Peace and Love!!!!

Just too much over thinking

2009-03-30T07:38:00.002-04:00

I am sitting here getting ready for work and I am thinking to myself, Will I ever find true love? What is true love? Is it worth having? Everyone is telling me be patient. Dammit I have patient for 28 years and I am ready for Mr. Right Now not Mr. Right Later. It is easy for people to tell me to "wait love will find me" when they already have it. Maybe they are right, the people of the world, maybe I do want the things that I try so hard to fight.
I just feel that no matter how hard I try to make someone happy they judge me by how I look and sometimes I feel like I will never get what I want cause of the way I look. I also think that I am too judgemental myself. I do not know, people in the blogs, what do you think?
Peace and Love!1

Love till the end of the PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-27T13:05:00.005-04:00

I have the greatest people in my life that I would not know what to do without them. Let me start from the beginning.

My birthday was on Thursday. All of my friends made me feel so special. I love them all. I have really only known them for about two years, but in that time they all have become my brothers and sisters in this crazy world. I got it all from the craze's to the biaotches of the world. LMAO!!! My Sister in law has really been there. I do not even think of her as an in law anymore she is, and always will be my sister just like the rest of the crazy brew.

Pris gave me a party. I actually had a good time. All the girls are really sweet. I can not believe they did all of that for me. I got Condoms, four new tires and a pick up truck. Use your imagination and think about it. LOL!!!!!! Along with a host of other gifts that I will hold close to my heart.

Brenda and Eva are taking me to lunch and we hung out for a little while on Thursday. All of my friends are cool in there own way and as i know that some of them do not like the others I know that they would be there for me if something happened to me. I hope all of them know how thankful I am that I have them in my life. ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!! In each of them there is a little bit of something that keeps me going.
Priscilla- up beat
Sam- eccentric
Donna- opinionated
Kari- giggly
Brenda- Hilarious
Eva- Loud
Sean-very loud LOL
Roger- Quiet

So for all of them I thank you. I thank you cause without you I think that I would not be the person I am today. You guys keep me grounded and on top of things. I hope we keep being friends for the years to come.

Nicole's wedding is coming up and is about a week away and I know she has got to be excited. I know that I have said allot of things about the wedding, but none of it was true I think I was going through a denial stage. She and I are close, but in some ways I felt that she abandoned me. I know that is not true but I still thought it. She grew up and found her man.

I am going to take some time and find out who I am and stop trying to find the one just cause everyone else does.

Oh and by the way Priscilla's Aunt Kathy came by to and she is so so so so nice. I hope that with everything she goes through that she knows I am here for her if she needs me.

Peace and Love to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST ME

2009-03-11T20:30:00.007-04:00

Many people say in their lives that they never had time to think of themselves because they were always doing for other people. My time spent is like that. Running here, doing this, running there and doing that. I think that all the years of my life I have never run out and done the crazy stuff that I should have done when I was in my teens, but now I am doing crazy things when I am almost 30 years old. I am single, got a tattoo, and fighting with anyone I can who does not want to accept my views. I do not pray, is that a bad thing? I know god is there but I also know the way he feels about the way I live my life. My family is not religious but they believe in god with the exception of a couple of them. I do not judge but I know they judge me in a way that has got me not really wanting to attend family functions. I do not think they know they hurt my feelings but they do.
I try so hard to love everyone I can. Sometimes it is like woo I do not have it in me today to love you. Is that wrong of me? Am I warped? Maybe I should just go to work and come home and lock myself up in a bubble. I am glad I have friends. Some of them do not like others but they are my friends none the less I can not help who my friends are but I love them for who they are. Thanks for everything guys.
PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO BE, OR NOT TO BE, BITTER...........................

2009-02-19T09:03:00.002-05:00

Let me make somethings clear about the way I am feeling, because some of my friends and family seem to think I am bitter or mad or upset that my cousin Nicole is getting married. HA that is complete and total fiction. You know what, I am glad she is getting married I just wish that for one minute that her and her wedding posse realized that not everyone wants to sit at every family event and here about her wedding. I get that she is excited and I understand wanting to talk about it but it is not the only thing going on in the world. I put wanting to talk about her wedding right up there with wanting to hear about Obama's presidency. It is either going to happen or already happened, LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!
Peace and love!!!!!

January AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-19T08:18:00.003-05:00

Time is passing, DUH!! Why is it that at the beginning of every year a lot of people get nestalgic. Oh the you remember whens and the oh last year. I do not care about any of that cause I am trying to live for the here and now. It is January 2009 for pitty sake. Do you guys know that I am turning 28 this year and am dreading every moment of it and I am only in my 20's. I mean I can tell you I am no longer 21. Also, what is it with me always pleasing people. I never have the cahonas to say no. I can tell family no, but other things in my life I can not say no to. Why is that guys, WHY IS THAT? I am a home body and for you people that really know me you can see that is true. I just do not like going out anymore, there is to many people to run into.
I wanted to post really quick I will give you guys the dirt l8r.
PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-24T15:52:00.003-05:00

I heard from sarah today and it lightened up my week. For those of you who do not know, Sarah is my very best friend in the whole world. We have been friends since the dawn of time it seems. i miss her so much,(She moved to florida about six years ago). She was my rock when she was here. i do not get to talk to her much any more but love her just the same.

Also a happy birthday is going out to you girl. Happy Birthday youngen.

Peace and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow

2008-11-17T06:44:00.002-05:00

Inspection is tomorrow. I will be glad when it is over. I am going to try this new method of not caring. It is this method where you have no sleep so you really do not care what is happing. I think is going to work out good for me seems how it is day one, I am tired and I do not care. I think is is going to be good. I hope we do really great on inspection cause I really do not want to feel the rath of brenda if we happen to fail.
Last night was a little better at Papa John's cause I did not really run into that guy and if I did we did not speak, which was fine with me. I have to work this morning. I am sitting a grandma's cause I just dropped off justin. I will be glad when I can get some sleep.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR YOU LMAO

2008-11-15T23:25:00.001-05:00

BRENDA THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another day, Another death threat!!

2008-11-15T22:02:00.003-05:00

Today was an interesting day. It started with me having to go to Alltel. Justin's phone got washed in the washing machine. Atleast I got David, my brother, so it was a lot easier than dealing with anyone else. I had to open a new account in order to get him a new phone. So now I can have 10 lines. Wow I think i have good credit now. LOL!!! David did send me a video of my little niece aubrie. She is getting so big.

I am stressing out over inspection. I can not believe that it is that time again. I am not even management. I care whether we do good or not. I am one of the few. Brenda and I are going in on our day off to clean, clean, clean. I am sarcastically looking forward to it. LOL!

Papa John's was eventful. There is this guy we will call him Jim Tox. Tonight when I got to work I was standing at the screen and waiting for two orders to pop up cause they were going to the same place, and Jim walks up and says "clock out the order." Like he is the boss or something. Well he got an attitude cause I was taking two order and went off the hook and I snapped back at him and the next thing I know we were in world war 3. He was slamming stuff and telling people that he was going to kick that faggots ass. You know it is not the words that hurt it is the way you use them. I think I am tired from inspection. I think I am going to just let it slide.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Declaration or imaptience!!!

2008-11-14T22:43:00.002-05:00

I fell asleep the other night before I got a chance to finish what I was saying so I guess I will start over from the beginning.
Friends are friends but does that mean there are true friends? What is the difference? Yes I do have friends that I am closer to than others. Friends that one minute I can not stand them and the next minute I love them. All of my friends are like family and if I do not mention you in my post it does not mean that I don't value your friendship 110%. Without my friends and my family I would not be were I am today.
This post is dedicated in part to my dear friend SAM!!!! I love you girl. I promise i did not forget about you.
Work is going a little tough and I promise that when I catch up on my sleep i will post and tell you about inspection.
Peace and Love!!!!!!

IN DENIAL!!

2008-11-13T02:26:00.005-05:00

Would it be me in denial or married couples that are in denial? I do not know. I am thinking that marriage is bad, it just leads to divorce, but is that the case? Let me clear the air by saying that I did not mean to offend anyone with my sour outlook on marriage. Just to me marriage, in my life, has brought nothing but pain and unhappiness with everyone that is assosiated with marriage in my life. Fighting and name calling has always been a factor in my life and the marriages in my life. Maybe I am just a sour puss about it, but I was not trying to offend people promise.

I think it is my mentality of life that has got me looking at things in a different way these days. Priscilla has always been blunt and honest with me and I am glad to have friends like that. Same thing with Brenda, honest and to the point. They both tell me how it is and although they are direct and to the point they have totally different personalities and a way of making me look at things. Priscilla makes me think of it logically and Brenda makes me think of it logically. Although we disagree on a lot of things, but it is nice to have more of an outlook on life. I just got to remember that I am luckier than I seem to think cause no matter how bad things get I always have people in my life that I can turn to in times of trial and tribulation. I just wish that I could get past the whole god thing and make it right but I am the type of person that has got to see something for it to exist. Will I ever be able to trust him again like I did when I was growing up?

Inspection is comming up at work and I have got to haul butt to get things done cause I do not want to be a dissapointing day. I want my boss to look good on that day.

Peace and Love

Hello Again!!!

2008-11-11T00:39:00.002-05:00

I am sitting remembering the promises i made about keeping up with my blog. So I am not going to make any this month, seeming how the year is almost gone, AGAIN!!! I did get a new laptop though. I decided what the heck. I always wanted one, so I went out and got one. I am excited about it.
Nikki and Chris are getting married. I am really happy for them in a way. I do not know why i can not get over the fact that I feel like she is abandoning me in some way. She always use to say that she never wanted to get married, and that it just was not for her and now she is getting married. What is up with the fact that everyone wants to run out and get married these days. It is just a piece of paper. There are some people that say I am upset cause being gay I can not get married. Let me put you all to ease now, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT I PROMISE!! I just do not believe in giving someone the permission to take half of what I worked for when I end up divorcing anyway. That may be senical to some of you but that is how I feel.
The last six months have been good for me in a way. I am having my manic up and downs but I have great friends to help me get through everything. Priscilla (Pete) has really been helping me through everything. I love her like a sister.
Work is going good. I wish I did not have to work so hard. I had to take a second job to make ends meet but I am good with it. I go in a few hors a day and get my checks lol.
I have a small circle of friends. We are really close at times. Like any real family we have our ups and downs and roundabouts.Time is passing us all. when has it happened that family has become less involved in your life and your friends are more out front and center? It is like when people move on with their lives they forget that they need family.
Peace and Love

I'm Writing!!

2008-03-03T09:15:00.002-05:00

Is life all that it can be? I am sitting here writing today about what you can make out of life. I have come to learn in my almost 27 years that life is what you make of it. What about if you have not made anything out of life? I have not really done to much with my life and for that I am sad. I wake up each morning and am like, "I could have done so much with my life", that it is depressing. What if I had done it this way or that? All these questions floating through my head. You guys might be thinking to yourself, " Why is he asking all these questions?"
Last night I went out with my sister Kari and a friend Priscilla, and it was fun, but I have this tendency of trying to make other people look or feel stupid. I have never been married and god knows that I never do, but I talk all the time like I know what it is all about. Is it ok to ask your loved one or tell them you are going somewhere? Of course it is. I mean there are so many reasons as to why you would tell them. I should not of tried to pick on Kari about that. I guess it is the saying, When you are not happy no one else needs to be. LOL. I guess it is true that you make out of life what you put in. I have great friends, good job, nice car, and a place to live but no matter how much I try I can not be happy.
I have tried for years to be happy but for some reason I have failed in all areas of my life. I walk around saying that I hate kids but in all actuality I am jealous of these people that have found someone to love and love them for who they are and for starting that family I have dreamed for years of having. It makes me feel that I am not good enough to ever love or be loved by anyone. People say all the time that it will come when I least expect it. I want it now. I mean everyone in my family has someone to love and then I have to go over to my family's house and have that thrown in my face. I am not saying it is their fault only mine, but I hate seeing that they are happy for some reason or another.
Like on Christmas, I did not want to go over to my grandmothers house but I was pushed to and I did and I had the attitude I knew I would and tried to make everyone miserable. I do not know what is wrong with me. I guess I will never find out.

I'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Back!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-29T18:52:00.003-05:00

Hey to all of you guys. It has been over a year since I have done this and I do not know where to start. Um, well I smoke again after not for like a year and a half and that was in may. I do not know why I did so please do not give me any grief about it. I was like upset and I was at a store and grabbed a pack and said " What the heck?" I am so upset with myself about it that I could cry. You will be glad to know that I have started the process of quiting again, so we will see where that goes.

I have also quit KB Toys after a year and three months. I work in Pooler at the new Flash Foods that opened in August, I started in October. I really do like it a lot. I have met some really interesting people that I like and some that I wish I would have never met. Brenda and Eva are great, they are my bosses. Awesome to the core, they treat me great. I actually have some true friends. We got matching tattoos, a tribal heart symbolizing friendship in my ankle. Eva has also become like my rock. We text back and forth all the time and she is like this cosmic force that blows in like a heavy breeze to knock you over. She is awesome. Brenda to, is great she is my comic standing. She can make me laugh at my tough times.

Priscilla, our third shift, is great. Although her work ethics are some to be desired I believe that she is a great person and I have come to trust her. Larry, our second shirt guy, OH MY GOD!, I want to pull out my hair when he talks. Dianne, our second shift girl is great. She makes me laugh and is so so so so so so funny we have a blast. Jannette is great. I just met her. Carol just started so I have not got a chance to actually talk to her. I had met this girl Heather when I first started and we became friends fast and that ended in a bang. I took her job when she messed up and in the end, in her mind, it was my fault. I kinda miss her in a way but am glad I found out about her before it was to late. I was drinking to much but that is over. Not even worth talking about but Brenda and Eva set me straight about that before it was to late so I am fine now.

I have lost touch with my friends from Darien but I do not think they were my friends if they do not call right? Me and Kari are close. It is so nice to have people you can talk to about who you are. My family has been great but they still do not understand about me being gay. No matter how much they say they do I know the judge me and Kari sticks by my side with a nonjudgmental point of view and for that I appreciate her. More than family we are, best friends is what I think of us. A little Yoda humor there. Sarah and I are still close but she lives so far away and now she has no phone that I wish I could go there, LOL. Good news is that my bankruptcy is paid off so I am free. O and about a year ago on my birthday I would have lived with Michelle and Adam for a Year. They get on my nerves a lot but what can you do. It is a great place to live and the rent is right so for now I will stick with it.

Fifteen days and counting!!

2006-12-10T09:53:00.000-05:00

I can not believe it is only 15 days till christmas which is suppose to be magical. Unfortunatly it will be miserable like they all are. Why is it in this family people take up for people who are not even in the family. I am tired of feeling like I have to tip toe around in fear that I am going to upset someone. I am tired of feeling less than myself because people want to make fun of me and treat me like shit and everyone else just laughs cause they think it is funny. I am tired that peoples friends get treated better than family.
Thanksgiving was good, I had the day off, ate alot of food. I was really excited about the friday after sale we were slamed and time went bye real quick. I am looking forward to christmas hopfully next year will be better.

Peace and love

The Holidays......

2006-11-22T23:54:00.000-05:00

...............suck this year. Things ending, illnesses progressing, and people acting completly immature. I have bad news for a lot or people, it is a crappy time and people should just get over the stupidness. Like this one lady acting stupid over a buggie. I mean come on there are plenty. I do not know I just have not been feeling well these last few months and recently my neck starting hurting. Maybe I am just falling apart.
On the happier side at least I am off tomorrow. I want to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. Also I am so excited my sister angie is comming unfortuatly I can not get that saturday off but I will request an earlier shift. Mom is dealing with her news ok. They think that lump in her throat is a tumor so we are taking it one day at a time. Sam is doing great at her new job and David is selling cars. I have not really talked to anyone else cause I have not been feeling good.
So I am going back to bed talks to you all later.
Peace and Love

Long time comming!!

2006-11-14T15:47:00.000-05:00

Well it is the middle of November already and I am sitting here on my day off just catching up on a few things. I had a great Halloween. I spent the time with my friend Shonique. It was great. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I feel great knowing that I am off this year. I also have asked my boss for a transfer to Savannah. So hopefully after christmas I will be working in town. I am looking forwar to this holiday.
The medicine is working great. I think they are going to up the dosage cause I have up and down days I will let you know how it goes.

Peace and Love

My Life or Lack There Of!

2006-10-27T07:48:00.000-04:00

I can not explain my life over the last ten years but I am going to try for those people who seem to sit back and be skeptical of what I do or not do with it. I have had this feeling in my head that I am not good enough for anything for ever and recently started to go to the doctor cause I can not function well. I do not know what is wrong with me all I know is that I am tired of this fog and wish that it would lift. I think it started when I realized I was gay and I use that as an excuse to why I was depressed then when I told my Aunt Michelle almost two years ago I thought I had opened a door with her to understand my life and she ran and told my grandmother and then she told my mother before I had a chance to figure out if that is what I wanted to do. I always figured I would be the one to tell but that thunder, my day was taken away and that made me upset even though they were great and excepted me I thought, but for some reason it was not and now this pain that I have felt for ever is still here.
I want to be happy but I have spent most of my life not being happy that I do not know how to function unless I am unhappy. Does that sound weird to anyone? I do not know what I am or what I feel like or what is in my heart and I honestly do not know what to do anymore. This might hurt peoples feeling but I use to stay away from certain family members cause of religous beliefs, but even with that I do not know how to feel so I tell everyone I am agnostic but I really do not think that I am. I think I am mad at god because he hates the way I am and I am going to go to hell anyway right so why am I going to bother to let him in if he will never understand? I hoped for a long time that I would just get over it and everything would be ok, that is what people use to tell me was to get over it, which I hate cause you can not get over this and now that I am on medication to help me people are even more skeptical now than ever before. You should not take medicine is my favorite or you are a healthy boy, NO I AM NOT!! If I was I would not be fighting to get out of bed in the morning. I do not know who I am readers and I hate it now. I fake smile and fake laugh but it is all fake and I do not know what to do about it.
Work is going poor it has started all over again with my job. Do not get me wrong I still love working there and everything and I hope it works out but me and my manager are getting into it again. I think it is me but she is so skeptical and I think she thinks I am trying to take her job or that I want to be a manager and I really do not want her job. I can not stand a work spy either and that is what the second assistant is is a spy. Telling the manager everything I do or do not do. Just gets on my nerves. I am sorry I written till your eyes bleed LOL so I have to get ready for work.
PEACE AND LOVE ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I M CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-24T08:18:00.000-04:00

I had my doctors appointment last week and I was shocked by the results. Dr. Hogan put me on Zoloft which is an anti-depresent and ambien for my sleep problems but as far as he can see my chorlestorol, sugar, thyroid, and blood pressure are all great for someone my size which I do not understand. So why am I still so tired all the time? Maybe I am crazy I keep spending this money trying to get myself better and it just feels like nothing is working. I will give the medicine a fair shoot but I do not know maybe I need a shrink. I mean my mood is changing somewhat but I still feel these panic attacks I do not know what is wrong. They say people know when something is wrong with their body but me and my body have not been comminucating very well these last few years. Maybe the medicine will work we shall wait and see.
Nothing new on the family front just my Aunt Sally came to visit which was very nice I miss her so much. I am glad she came and had a great time while she was here and just wished that she could've stayed longer.
Work is going good and is hectic as we move into the months just before and after christmas. I love my job tho it is stressful I still love it just the same. Anyway speaking of work I have to finish getting ready.
All the love to you all this holiday season and as always
PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

I am LATE.......

2006-10-16T21:24:00.000-04:00

......Posting that is LOL. I had coffee Saturday with Aunt Stacy and it was a blast to catch up with her. It has been so long, my fault I kind to tend to drift away from social actions. For some reason I tend not to want to hang out in a group or with people and do not know why. In answer to my sisters question yes I have thought about asking to work out with people but I then tend not to go or to come up with an excuse not to go I do not know maybe self sabatouge I so spelt that wrong. I do not know I just do not have the energy and do not know why but people just say I am Lazy, maybe I am I just hope that when I go to the doctor on Wednesday he can do something for me.
Nothing new to report just that I will post what the doctor says on Wednesday. Love you all, my family and friends, and for my readers have a great day,
Peace and Love

A rough nights sleep!!!

2006-10-07T08:14:00.000-04:00

I do not know what it is about sleeping at someones house that makes it hard to sleep when they are not home but it was for me and their dog Jadie LOL!! My brother and his wife went out of town for the weekend and left me in charge, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE ThINKING LOL, and they have the most precsious dog and we slept on the comfortable couch in the living room. I tossed and turned and turned and tossed just thinking about the last couple of day and I just could not sleep, hince me up at eight in the morning on a saturday writing about it. I feel honored that they trust me enough.
Update on the doctor situation: it did not go well, suprise suprise I have high blood pressure which I think all big people do but I do not know. It started with me thinking that I was tired all the time but that was provin wrong with the sleep study so I went to the internal medicine center and found out that I am at stroke level with my pressure. 160/100 I do not know if that is high or what but he actually looked at me with concern and when he took my blood and did not give me any medicine I guess it is ok. I go back in two weeks for my results in the blood work. I am just not ready to cut everything out my life that I love like salt and coffee which is what the doctor said i should do and I do not aggree. I will make my life around this when my tests are in lol.
I am meeting my Aunt Stacy today for coffee and I am excited. I know over the last few years that I have not really been around them much and it is my fault you get busy and such, but I am going to start hanging out again we use to have a blast when I was growing up.
I just do not know what to do about my weight though it is going through the roof and I am just so tired to do anything I do not know what is wrong with me. it is like I am tired when I go to bed tired when i wake up, and tired when I am walking. I use to think that is was being fat but I do not know this is not a normal tired being lazy this is a tired like I almost fall asleep when driving home tired you know what I mean. Well I have to run I am watch two sets of animals so I have to run to my grandmothers house to feed the animals. They went to New York and I hope they have fun.
Peace and Love!!!

2006-10-04T07:33:00.000-04:00

Hi there and Hello!!!! I know it has been a while but nothing interesting has been going on so I really did not know what to post......just kidding. So I will start from the beginning.
Family....Is going great and everyone is doing something with their lives right now. Cortis and Kari are taking a trip to see Kari's family in Helen GA this comming weekend and I get to house sit. I am looking forward to some peace and quite LOL. My mother had a doctors appt. and may have to have her gall bladder out because of a hernia she has or something I do not know cause I am not medical....LOL... but I am worried about her nonetheless. Other than that her and Bob are doing ok. Samantha got her beauty license and I am so proud of her. She found something she is good at and went for it, so good luck to you. Angela, have not heard from the busy parent lately, but I heard she is doing good and I wish her all the best. Happy late birthday to her and Sam by the way I am such a bad brother.
David and Ashley are doing good, Hard to believe they been engaged for almost a year now just wish they would set a date so Ashley would be offically in the family cause she is already like a sister anyway. Justin is Justin into video games and such. School is going good for him. He is growing so fast I can not believe he is a sophmore in High School already and almost 16. Weird. Myself, ewwww, I guess I am ok just feeling so yucky lately. I was doing good on my diet and then slip gained it back and some but my doctor says that until I find out why I am fatigued my weight gain will continue so I have another doctocrs appointment today cause the sleep study did not go like I thought. The doctor said I am sleeping fine and I have mild sleep apnia but it is not causing me to lose sleep at night so I should go in to an internal medicine doctor cause he thinks I might have diebtis but i will weight LOL and see. Also congrats to me cause I am smoke free for nine months now I think I will celebrate with a cigarette LOL just kidding.
Work is going great and I love my job, my only complaint is the gas money I am spending. What is it about older people? Why is it that everyone says you should not argue with them even though sometimes they are wrong? I love my grandmother very much but lately she is on this religous kick and freaks out when I ignore her on the god issue, I will not go into it so I do not offend people but I just have mixed feeling about someone who would punish you cause of the life you lead or who you choose to love but I hipe grandma understands this one day. I hope her, Aunt Lucy, Nikki, and Chris have a great trip to New York.
Peace and Love.

Sweet Savannah!!

2006-08-21T11:51:00.000-04:00

I know I am so late posting this but I would like to welcome my brand new babylicious niece Savannah to the world. I am so happy for my sister she now has three sweet little babies. I hope she know how lucky she is. I am at a loss of works also check out the post for this day today. I posted two.
Peace and love

HELP ME MAKE KIDS HAPPY THIS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-21T11:29:00.000-04:00

Hey all you out there. I was wondering if you could do the kids a favor for me? I have started to work for K B Toys this year and I absoultly love this job, and it is thanks to my wonderful cousin nicole. The company does a fundrasier for the kids every year and this fundraiser takes money and puts it on gift cards and then just before christmas we take the gift cards and buy presents for the kids. I know you are probably saying "Yeah Right he is pocketing the money, I know most of you are saying this is cheesy but for the first time for me I found something that I really believe in. ask anyone and they will tell you I am for real. If you do not believe me just call 912-437-5070 ask for shannon she is the store manager. I am asking for donations and a repost. It is only a dollar of five out of your wallets and about that much time to repost. Please guys for the kids who are have less than you do and probably will not get anything for christmas.
If you donate you can using paypal sending the donations to www.paypal.com sending it to my account at MJoseph.hampton@gmail.com
or
Checks of Money Orders payable to
KB Toys for Tots1 magnolia Bluff way suite 580
Darien GA 31305
Please if not for anyone else do it for the kids.

Well hi there and all that!!

2006-08-12T10:32:00.000-04:00

Well I know it has been a while since I have posted and I am sorry for that. An update on my Sister Angie, she will be having her C-section in two days and I wish her all the best. I am sorry for that mistake a few weeks ago when I said it was the 24th. I hope the baby and angie do ok. I can not believe this will be her third already. Good luck girl. In other family news My brother, Curtis, and his wife, Kari, Celebrate 5 glorious, blissful, wonderful, headachful years together as of August 10th. I can not waite until August the 10th of 2011. LOL will there be another little one by then. Come on guys get busy LOL. My brother David and his fiancee need to get started on them wedding plans, I can not believe that they have been engaged since christmas. My sister sam is about to be a licensed cosmetologist and I am going to pimp her out to my friends and online when she becomes the woman of famous hair, LOL I believe she is very talented and I wish her all the best. My mother and her husband have found the world of poker online, they love it and play it with their friends all the time. Well that is enough news on my family.
I been smoke free for almost 8 months. I am so proud of myself for that. Why is it that I can quit smoking but I can not seem to diet? I mean it is like I fail at everything but this and it is like wow can I ever achieve anything. Which if you look at it quitting smoking is achieving something I guess. I mean anyone can quit cant they?
I went to the ENT and I have to have a sleep study done on the 25. I am a mouth breather with sever sleep apnia and if I do not have this done I could stop breathing in my sleep. well I am going to run LOVE YOU ALL!!
Peace and LOVE!!

OVEREATING!!

2006-07-31T10:07:00.000-04:00

I was talking to one of my friends, Jasmine, on the phone the other day. I was telling how disgusted I am with myself and that I just feel awful about myself all the time. She told me I should check out this website www.oa.org. It is a website for overeaters. I know some of you skeptics would be like you just need to go on a diet<------ I have and I have been doing real good until recently. To know fault of no ones some one said you look like you have not lost any weight when I was on my diet. That was heart breaking to me so I started to binge and I have not stopped since. I do not know why it is so hard for me to say no to food. I am going to start going to meetings for overeaters Anyomous once a month and on the phone once a week with a friend who is there to help me and maybe I can figure out what is going on in my head.
Bob and I are going through one of rough patches and I am not talking to him right now but I will not go through details cause I do not want to stress out my mother. Lucas is offically 1 and I could not be happier that I was there to celebrate it with them. Thanks to Valerie and Mr. Moore for inviting me to their house, Valerie is the sweetest persone that you will ever meet besides Kari. Angela will be having her c-section on August 24th and I can not waite to have my new Niece Savannah Lynn in this world.
Work is going great, I now have medical insurance and am going to see Dr. Flexon an E.N.T. for my snoring and trouble breatheing. Wish me luck.
Peace and Love

My circle!!!!!!

2006-07-19T18:36:00.000-04:00

Hi my friends and family how are you all doing. I am great and feeling a little less than fantastic. I have been wondering why I have such a problem with the diets that I am on. They never work for me and it is becomming to were I can not even stand to look at myself in a mirror anymore. It is like I know I am full but I continue to eat anyway. It is like I know no end. I do not know what to do anymore it is like I stop any hope that I have to make myself feel better. I do not know it is like when I feel fat and do not know what to do people say well go on a diet, then I feel like I am about five inches tall and I want to tell them I try but I do not know why it does not work.
Work is going great and I really really like it but it is like woo the drive is getting to be to long. Car payment and insurance and the bills that I have I wish I could find a job that suits me but I will take what I have right now.
Happy birthday to my Nephew Lucas who is going to be one on Sunday. I can not believe that it was almost one year ago when my Brother and his wife gave birth to their son. I have watched them be this kids parents for a whole year and I tell you I have never been more proud of them cause they are outstanding parents. They are going to make the difference.
Well got to run!!
Peace and Love!!!

My family and all that stuff;)

2006-07-09T17:53:00.000-04:00

What is wrong with people that invite other people over for dinner and then totally ignoring them? I came over to my mothers house this weekend to see her and we spent Friday and Saturday nights playing poker, which is fine with me cause I actually won on Friday. I walked away with 45.00 which for me is a hoot cause I never win. I would like to apologize to certain people, you know who you are, and I hope you will still come over to see us. I will not go into detail but I feel bad. Why invite people over for dinner then spend the night in the room playing poker?
Moving on, I am going through the process of chaning my myspace again, LOL. I did not like the last outline and background. I hate the fact that I spend most of my free time on the computer, I have not friends really and not much of a social life but the computer keeps me busy. I am trying to find things to do and can not.
Moving on yet again, there will not be any pics of me on my diet cause I kinda fell off the wagon and I am trying to get back on again, but I have not fell off the smoking wagon yet I am six months clean and loving it. I can actually breathe again. I love it so so so so so much.
I washed my car today. I had fun doing it. I clean, vaccumed and washed and dried it. My car is running great I have to take it in for its oil change already cause of driving back and forth all the time. I love my new job, the people are great and I can actually go home at night and have knots in my stomach.
Peace and Love!!!!

Hi there and all that crap;)

2006-07-04T11:52:00.000-04:00

Hi guys here I am again. I am off for the 4th and like Ohh like everyone is calling me to go out and I am just going to go to bed early. I will however update my blog first. I am feeling a little scared about this new job. I am struggling so much money wise now I am wondering if I made the right decision and I am like worried if I will be able to pay my bills on time. I feel like I am mooching off my family and I hate that. I know my grandmother does not feel that way but I know some of my family is like he needs to be out on his own........you know what I agree with them but I also have to pay my bankruptcy, car and insurance, cellphone and my benefits. Some have even gone to the links of saying are you sure there are no jobs out there for you. Believe me I have look and nothing I am smart I did go to college and yes I do not have a college degree but that does not mean I do not have a brain.
I love my new job though, it is so zen. It is a lot less stress.I really have nothing in the romance department to update so I am going to go talk to you later.
" Wake up cause in this world if you are not of strong mind and body you will not get anywhere."
Joseph
Peace and love.

So totally stole this from kari!!

2006-06-20T19:10:00.000-04:00

As the song will say.........

My family Copy Copy

Love you all and enjoy,
Thanks for the idea kari
Peace and love

A note from the editor!!

2006-06-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

Hey guys and girls. I am sorry that I can not post as much as some of you but I am so busy with my new job and trying to keep my car together and figuring out how to pay for it. I am thinking that I am going to have to bounce a check to make a payment this month. All is good though I am so much happier. Everyone is telling me that I always get happy at the start of every job, but like hello I only had like three in 7 years.
KB Toys is the best though and I get paid to play with toys. I love it all the same. I mean I do not have to stock a cooler or empty trash or clean bathrooms. I love it. I also love my car, it drives great. I had a problem with the air this weekend but got it fixed today so I am happy with the car now. Also I love the hours at work. I mean the lastest I have to go to work is 9 and the lastest I get off work is like 9 unless for inventory then I am there for the duration of the night. My new boss is so great plus I work with kids under me so like they are still in school and not worried about the job and it is less problems with backstabbing. The only problem is the drive but I think I can handel it.
Also a late fathers day wishing to those special fathers in my life and you know who you are and a special to my Step dad Bob. I know I have never said it before but I am thankful that he has been there for me like he has. He has been there for me more than my own father. So to him I thank for the everyday things that make him great.
I can not post everyday like some of you would like because of my living situation so I will post once a week when I come to my moms house to see her. Also I updated my myspace page. So check it out.
On a heavier note I am depressed I am still on my diet and I will post pics later but I found out the scale I was on was broken so instead of being 293 I am actuall 321 so I did not lose as much as I thought but I am working really hard.
"Anyone can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a Dad." Hallmark card
I will let you figure out why I said it.
PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fine and here it is!!

2006-06-13T08:15:00.000-04:00

Well I finally did it......I left BP!! Monday I had just had enough and I quit. I could not take it anymore and I got a Job a K B Toys. I have reached a point in my life where I Just started to hate my job. I was always getting in trouble for everything that I did not do. I think I will really like it but it is a long drive but I have a car I can depend on now. I also got away from savannah for a couple of days and am in sumter to visit Nikki. I just need some time and I promis I will update more in a few day.

As always
Peace and Love

Hi and all that!!

2006-06-04T23:45:00.000-04:00

Well I know it has been a while since my last update but I have been realy busy with work and getting use to having a car again. I keep forgetting to put gas in it and I WORK AT A GAS STATION!!! I have already had to take it back. Once for a bad battery cable and now for a transmission leak. I can not take it anymore. All of my friends that have brought from there are like they are really great and you let me loose on the lot and I walk away with the first lemon. I am sorry that I have not made a real update but that will change.
Also I would like to extend a congradulations to myself for 5 months of being smoke free. As of the second of this month. I am so proud of myself. Well I am off to bed will update tomorrow.

My new Purchase

2006-05-25T20:38:00.000-04:00

I have a new car and what do you think. I am so happy not to have to depend on anyone to have to pick me up, well talk to you later.
"When is depending on family gotta stop.:
Peace and Love!!

A Week Flown By!!

2006-05-19T13:54:00.000-04:00

Where has the time gone? I do not know myself. I have been so busy that I have not had time for myself much less anything else. I was so good in the beginning udating that I thought it would be easy to update everyday, but guys come on my life is not that interesting.

This is my friend, Sarah. She is the best and although we have our differences on how I live my life I still value all she has to say and the advice that she gives. I will not bore you with the details of my bus trip from hell but I can tell you is that it was the worst time I spent in my life. I got that there with no problem (except the bus ride), with Sarah waiting for me and I was so excited. We had to take a cab from the bus station cause of my bag (16.00) and then we got to her place and all I can say is that I wanted to run away. She is a bachlorette and lives like one LOL. Needless to say I cut my trip from overnight to the same day cause I could not stay there and work was bothering me. I went to luch with her and had steak, and then to my test which took two hours but I think I did good on it. I walked out and waited on the bus, and then I got a glimpse of my life without family or a car and I hated it. It was hot waiting on the bus. I thought OMG I hate not beiing able to go somewhere so I though maybe this move is not the best but I will keep you posted. So I got back on the bus on 8 for the next 4 hours of the last bit of the bus ride from hell and on Tuesday I slept all day.

Ohhhh and an update on my diet, from 369 to 293 in three months. That is 76 pounds. I am so happy. I can not believe it.

From the left is from February 17 and the one on the right is from May 17. Look at the weight loss.

I am feeling a difference believe me. On a happier note Happy late Mothers Day Mom and everyone else.

Peace and Love!!

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers"
-Anon.

I never thought for a moment that my mom was not everywhere.

Me, Florida, and MY MOTHER!!

2006-05-12T07:28:00.000-04:00

Well guys a little update on my mouth. I tell you that I only have myself to blame for the problems that I am having. It has only been the last couple of years that I started to actually take care of my teeth, and now for all of those years of smoking, candy and late night drinking binges I have bone disease. Yep, I found out on Wednesday. I am not shocked because of all the stuff I did to make my mouth angry at me. All my right back teeth are going to have to come out. Then eventually over the next few years I will probably be wearing dentures at 30. I better not sneeze to hard. Enough about my teeth.
My trip to Florida is still going to happen. If I take this job then I will have medical and dental insurance and with the trips to the dentist over the next year then I will need it. I am excited to start something new. I will write about my trip when I get back on Tuesday.
My mother is the best. Even though we have our differences I still love her and she has been really supportive about the move. I can not wait till Sunday I am going to surprise her for mothers day.
Well gotta run lots of errands this morning.
"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children."
Elain Heffner
My mother has tought me alot I hope when I move that I know and remember everything she taught me.
Peace and Love!!!

Things or THINGS!!!

2006-05-10T05:49:00.000-04:00

Hi guys. Sorry it has been a while but here are a list of things I have been doing instead of updating:

Planning my trip to Florida on the 15th for my PSI test.
hashing out plans with Sarah for my move.
getting an absess on my gum.( I think I spelt that right.)
Trying to find a dentist.
having no luck finding a dentist.

Why is it when you are planning something everything happens to go wrong. I mean I am tying to save money for the move and boom my tooth gets sore then grows into infection, money wasted. An unexpected bill, boom money spent. It is like an avalanche. So far so good with the interviewing process for the 7-11 job. Store management with bennefits.I hope I get the job, the person I interviewed with really like me so I guess I am in. Also I made a new friend, Pete. He is in the army and we have been talking he is really nice and I like his girlfriend she is a doll. I would also like to send out a late happy birthday to my brothe David he was 22 on Saturday.

No random thoughts or quotes today well

Life is pain, make sure to go to a dentist so you do not end up in agony.(Joseph Hamptom)

owww I am going to lie down

Peace and Love!!

Random thoughts and Rice!!

2006-05-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

Setting here ready my former entries, I came up to the current one. Wow am I a little depressed or what? I am sorry if I worried anyone but that is me. I vent over things and somethings come out wrong. All though I have alot of things on my mind I guess I should have worded it better. I guess I am the type of person that says what is on their mind at that moment. I also bought me a new phone. T-Mobil for my move to Florida. Do not call my old number. I will call you all with my new number. I should only have to change it once more before I move. I am still sending out resumes like you would not believe. Still no one has called me back. I hope soon Cause I can not wait to move.
I have been eating this rice dish and it is awesome it is all I eat for luch unless it is my a little extra luch which is when I eat chinese food and get full but it is awesome. I just thought I would share my favorite rice dish which is Rice Selects Beef and my random thought from above.
E. M. Forster
"If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country."
I love my friends and I hope that this arrangement between sarah and me works out.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

50 MINUTES!!

2006-05-01T23:13:00.000-04:00

In exactly 50 minutes I will be smoke free for 4 Months. Weird HUH!! For those of you that really know me that is a mild stone. From like 17 to Janurary I do not remember myself without a cigarette. I feel so so so so so so so so much better. I am also starting to see the weight loss.my 4x shirts are really lose and my 50 pants are baggy. I just do not feel happy. I have an opportunity infornt of me to take a chance at living a dream. A chance to move out on my own. I was really excited about it until I talked to Kari tonight, hence me up at 11:15 writing about it. Do not get me wrong it is a good writing and I always value Kari's thoughts. Maybe she is right that this is not a good idea. But isnt it good to take a chance and fail than not to have taken a chance at all?
I am going to take her advice and move there and live in a seperate apartment. I need to do this. Am I a bad child for leaving my mom though. Aunt Lucy said she thinks I should do this and Kari says I should think about it. This town is killing me slowly every day. I do not have a self identity here. Too many things gone wrong over the years. I love my family so very much and I love my friends and I am just not happy. I need to find myself away from this wall I have built. No ones fault just mine. I have made it my lifes mission to be unhappy. Now I need to make it my life's mission to find myself away from here. I have made irreversible mistakes here and I need a fresh start.
I appreciate all of you who care and the kind words and the offers but I need a chance to make it on my own away from the place that I call home. I know my mom will be well taken care of here. She has everything she needs and wants. I do not need to hold on so tightly anymore, I am tired of feeling I have to hold on. I should know that my mom can make it without me, RIGHT!!
I know that is right and I know she made it 19 years before she had me and then another 16 years while I was a pain, but what is this feeling I am having? Why is it so hard for me to leave her? Maybe I am a mamma's boy.
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
Mark Twain
Really I think she did LOL. I will miss her so much but this is a step I have to take in my adulthood and if I fail in a year than it will be the best year ever. Dont you think?
Peace and Love!!

2006-04-27T09:46:00.000-04:00

It is kinda weird, my sis Angie. For a long time we were really close. Over the years we grew apart, not a sad thing just a part of life. I grew up and tried to find myself, and she got married and had the best kids. I am going through somethings right now and I never new that going to her house in Arizona was even an opition, I thank her for that. Unfortunatly I would not be able to go there right now. I am so far in debt that I would have to have a guaranteed job before I could go anywhere.
Yesterday I was checking out Airline tickets at www.orbitz.com and www.Cheaptickets.com and I though to myself how much would a plane ticket to Arizona cost me anyway. (555.00 a person) I am thinking that maybe after my bankruptcy is paid off I am going to go to Florida. Sarah said that I could definatly come and live with her. I am thinking about it seriously. Michelle does not think I will go cause I am so attached to my mom. Guys let me tell you from a childs prospective that when you are attached to your mom there is still going to be a time where they are going to want to leave. Maybe if I was not so far in debt I would have left years ago. I love my mother but I want to start a life in a town where no one knows me. Sarah is a friend and I think it willl be good for me. What do you think?
"The future is an opaque mirror. Anyone who tries to look into it sees nothing but the dim outlines of an old and worried face."
Jim Bishop
I do not know what my future hold sometimes I hope it is better than the present.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thinking!!

2006-04-24T15:26:00.000-04:00

Kari said...
ATTITUDE“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It's more important than appearances, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past.... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitude.”—Charles R. Swindoll—
3:23 PM

As I sat here and read my comment I never really realized how much Kari is a big part of my life as far as the diet and everything that goes with it. I have noticed how she is the one with the most words of encouragement. I have been taking time by myself lately. Just relaxing and trying to get my barings. I know that all of you have been wishing me luck with everything I do and I thank you for that. I have come to realize that I think I might have some problems with my self apprearence. I never realized it until Kari said something to me a couple of weeks ago. She asked," Why do you put yourself down all the time?" I never realized it and blew her off as me just making fun but then i realized that I put myself down all the time. Most of you do not realize that I have an ex from before I told everyone that I was gay and none of you have met my ex cause I was trying to keep me secret. Well at the time this person I considered the love of my life and now that I have told everyone about me it is like I am in self distruct mode because I am alone and missing this person. I am not going backward because we made a decision that it is and will always be over, but my heart is still mending and I think now with all the people I am letting into my life, now I wish I hadn't. My Aunt Michelle or Nikki I am not sure which is the one who started telling people before I was ready and my grandmother was the first to find out.
I mean I thank them in a way cause I do not think that I would have ever told them. I also have a feeling that I will always be alone which I think I am starting to except it. My life reminds me of a song that I like:
Its just one more day no one said there would be rain again, blame it on my self, ya I'll will blame it on the weatherman. Get away, for a while. Here I am out on my own again, blame it on myself, blame it on the weatherman, tears are in my eyes empty like my heart, why did you say goodbye, the rain goes on the rain goes on the rain again. alone I can hear hear our song playing for me again. blame it on my heart, no blame it on the weatherman. Standing on the shore calling out your nameI was hear before"
This song just seems appropriate for my life right now cause it feels like I am caught in a rainstorm of emotion. I have come to the decision that soon I am going to leave Savannah. I do not know where I will go but I have got to leave. This place has bad memories and I just need a change. I just feel alone and I feel that if I leave I will be able to find myself. I have had a life of dissapointement I just need to find out why when I look in the mirror I see nothing but a big blur and to tell you the truth I do not know who I am anymore. I do not like my job or my life situation. It is my fault yes I know especially this bankruptcy. they sent me a letter
Maybe I am just destined for bad luck. Pretty much my payments are going up like 30.00 a month. Like I can afford that and buy a car.
"I just realized that there's going to be a lot of painful times in life, so I better learn to deal with it the right way."
Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Will I ever be able to deal with my grief?
Peace and Love!!!!!!

My day!!

2006-04-20T23:45:00.001-04:00

I made a decision to go to the beach after work at around 5. I do not know why it was like I needed some me time. It was so georgous. The sunsetting and the waves, very calm and unnerving. I do not know what possesed me to go but I just had to go quietly and walk, by myself with no one around. I do not know why but I just have a lot on my mind. I just got lost in the walk. I hope that one day I will figure out what I got on my mind.
All in all it was an ok walk still do not have anything worked out yet but I am working on it. In the futer just to let you all know I am bad about saying I will call you back when I say that just know that I have good intentions but I will probably not sorry it is just me.

Q:- When in life do you figure out that you are doing good, and get rid of that complete and total fear?

Think and post the answers in my comments.
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two months later!!

2006-04-17T10:19:00.000-04:00

Here is the latest pic and first pic of me guys, I have been going for two months now and I am starting to feel progress.

February 17, 2006

March 17, 2006

April 17, 2006

So far so good so let's keep going.

"In life make all the mistakes you can to make way, hopefully, for the right ones when you are older."

Just a thought I was thinking. You have to make mistakes cause no one is perfect.

Peace and Love!!!

It's been too long!!!

2006-04-16T01:24:00.000-04:00

Well hey guys, I know it has been a while but I have had trouble finding things interesting enough to write about. LOL!! Happy easter to all of you. I have to work. Ohhh well the pay is nice. I found some old pics and I am going to start scrap booking but I went out and bought a scanner so I started scanning things into the computer. I did those pics I was talking about a few weeks ago. To kari here is that pic of mine and Bambi's class in 3rd grade in 1990 that is almost 16 years ago.

Can you ever believe I was that skinny. Well I hope to be able to be skinny again. Well not that skinny anyway. The scanner I bought was a scanner, printer, copier combo. Work is going good. Jeremy quit and I am working a lot of hours but I am making good money any way.
I was thinking how mom ever put up with me. It is so funny. I found a report card today and I was so bad I am not surprised my mom sent me to St. Mary's.
I am kinda like just imaging what life would be like if I had not put on the weight and really tried in school. Do you think I would have achieved more than I have now? I do not know why I was such a terror.
I also found some other pics of all of us young and scanned them so I am going to post later with them.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."
Eleanor Roosevelt
My heart has been giving me problems guys. I do not know why but I feel like empty I guess. I do not know. It is like I am working hard to achieve but all the critism from the past is like sneaking up on me. Maybe if I listened to the people from the past I would not be struggling with these feelings now. That is for the future topics.
Peace and love!!!

Just stopping by....

2006-04-13T01:09:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, just stopping in to say hi. I will update later on with more details about the week.

"Time after time, the world spins by. Slow down and live life."
I wish I could

Peace and love.

Family time!!

2006-04-10T23:13:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! How are you all doing today? I had a good Monday off. I went over to Michelle's and Adam's house for the unvailing of their new 63 inch television that they had delivered today. We watched Harry Potter and the Gobblet of Fire. It was so cool. Of course you know Adam could not get enough of playing with it. We had Pizza, and the movie kinda left me cold. They cut it off as it was just getting good and know I have to wait till the next one to find out what happens to Valdermont. Aunt Michelle could not sit still for five minutes and Adam could not stop playing with it so we all left early.
Ohh yeah and some bad news, Mom got into a car accident today with the rental. She is ok and so is the rental which the guy from the rental agency went and picked up after he checked it out. I went to walmart this morning and had the picture of David and Ashley printed out for Mom and put it into a frame. It looks really good, but a little blurry though.
I am still going through my little self-critism though. I am still trying to figure out the whole weight thing. I kinda ate late tonight though. I hate having these feelings though. Maybe I am just trying to fail but I really do not want to. I am going to try harder than I have tried before.
Instead of doing the whole quote thing tonight I am going to leave you with a bible verse I found on a neclace I got from ebay and that I am going to make my quote for my life:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9b

Before set up!!

After the set up!! Before the devourer!!
During the devourer!!After the devourer!!

David's bowling card, if you can not see them he did great!!

My new necklace, I love it!!

A close up of the new TV. Nice huh!!

Well guys Peace and Love!!

My Saturday time with family and friends!

2006-04-08T15:19:00.000-04:00

Hi there guys. I have kept you in suspense long enough. For those of you who wanted to know the quotes I have been getting for my blog come from www.quotationspage.com so check it out cause I love it. I had a very interesting morning. I got up and did my bike ride. I came home and made me some pasta, then I checked my e-mail and took a shower.(not in that order of corse) After my bike ride I kinda need a shower first. David and Ashley came by and we hung out in the computer room and played games on my playstation. I mean I took a nap and David played. Ashley played on the computer. After I woke up from my nap we went to the table to play some gold fish and then they left. Not before David and mom wrestled alittle. It was fun and now it is almost time to go back to work.
Did anyone ever get this feeling that no matter how hard they try it is like something is pulling you down? I do not know how to explain it. I am trying so hard but it is like my mental state is like ewww you will never do it. Sometimes I just want to give up but then I will be a failure. I do not know maybe I am just tired. Well I got to go to work so I will talk to you later.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein
I am really wondering if I can do this diet thing and achieve my goals or if I am going to drive myself insane with impossible goals.
Peace and love
David and Ashey, So cute together!!!!
David and Mom, always playing!!!

So the verdict is in!!

2006-04-06T01:33:00.000-04:00

Well for the ones of you who voted thank you but you were all wrong, I LOST 27 POUNDS. That is almost 30. I am so so so so so happy with myself. I also filled out an application for the post office exam yesterday. I am just changing so much. I figured that ohhh what the heck a new me deserves a new job. It kinda goes with the whole new me thing. I can not belive that I am 27 pounds smaller. OHHHHHHHHH and I am also 1 pant and shirt size too. I am a 50 from a 52 and a 4x from a 5x. The shirt is a little snug but it fits and I love it.
More good news for my sister Angie, she is having a girl to be named Savannah Lynn. Isn't that pericous. Over the years I have watched the people that I have been close to become excellent parents. Her third child already, WOW!! I am so happy for you girl, and tell us after three how do you stay so trim. I am so jealous, LOL!!
Yes I have changed the out look of my blog again. I do not know I am just trying to find the one I like and I think it is this one. I love the color blue and I love the out look of it so for now my choice is Thisaway Blue. Also my cell number has changed, 912-844-6367. I am was having problems with the person, Wayne, also know to you all as my father. Over the years it is like he was trying to make me feel guilty for never to come and see him, like I was the crappy son. Then on February 17, 2006 my dad was in the hospital and knew I was comming to see him and he was discharged. Well he did not bother to tell me, his supposed son that he was and I showed up to an empty hospital room. So that is when I figured, A sperm donor does not make a father a man who is there for you and trys to be supportive of you and not make you feel bad about your decisions in life that is a father.
I also went to Gregory park in Richmond Hill and took a couple of pictures of Jesse's and Uncle Charly. I had Uncle Charly's blown up into an 8-10 and put into a fram and it really looked good. I would also like to share a thought about our Milatary. Do you guys actually take the time to stop and say thanks to them. When you read this take the time tomorrow and say to an officer, "Hey thanks for what you do", or "Be safe and thanks." It will make them think that you know they are fighting for you.

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."
Charles Dickens
Do not have a hard heart, it is good to shed tears sometimes.
Peace and Love!!!!

A night of Fun!!!

2006-04-05T00:26:00.000-04:00

I love spending time with my mother on my days off. I like playing cards for fun, no money involved. When I play for money I get hostile and lose alot, but when I play just to have fun I really just have fun. It was a great night. The players were Bob, mom, Allen, Jeremy, Our next door neighbor Michael, his friend Stu, and of course me.
Here is the order in which the game ended:

1ST PLACE Such a butt when he wins!!

2nd place goes to the one who can not take losing to Bob, Allen. Shows his dissappointment well dosen't he.

3rd place goes to Jeremy who just went all in so he could quit playing.

4th place was a tie between Stu and I, Stu did not want to be photograph.

5th place went to Mom, she did not care cause she had bingo scratch cards.

Finally 6th place went to Michael, he also did not want to be photographed. He went home to go to bed.

"To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses it; for when we fail our pride supports us; when we succeed, it betrays us."
Charles Caleb Colton

I love how Bob has so much pride even with the little things, like winning or losing at the poker game. I tell you what it makes me proud to have parents like them and to be able to spend as much time with them as I can.

Happy birthday little one!!

2006-04-04T10:15:00.000-04:00

Today is My niece's 4th birthday. It is hard to believe that almost five years ago my sister said she was going to be a mommy for the first time. Time gone by. Happy birthday little one, may your day be filled with love and happyness.
"All I can say about life is, Oh God, enjoy it!"
Bob Newhart
Enjoy your day sweetie and happy happy birthday.
Uncle Mike
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!

Happy 3 months and 1 day!!!!!!!!!!

2006-04-03T20:51:00.000-04:00

Happy anniversary to me. I am so happy about the decision to quit smoking. I am able to breathe. I know you guys are probably thinking, ok you can breathe even if you are smoking, but I am breathing without coughing and I am loving it and lets not talk about loving the whole being able to exercise without breathing hard.

See I am so happy. For the first time in my life I am actually happy. I did not get a chance to weigh myself today so I am going to do it tomorrow. I just feel like I have a weight lifted off my shoulders, literally. I feel the weight comming off. I have muscels in my legs and I love my bike rides and I do not feel like I can not do it, I feel like I can. There is only one thing though, I still feel uncomfortable going out in public. I feel like everyone is staring at me. When I look at myself in a mirror I feel like I should not eat anything at all. I do not know, self critism is a character flaw that I am trying to work on.

I went out to dinner with Aunt Michelle and Adam. It was really nice of her to do that for me and I had a really good time. I just never realized how much Adam can talk. Man he just kept talking. It was cool though. It has been a while since we have done anything together and it was nice.

"Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person." Dr. David M. Burns

Maybe one day I can confront my fears. I have already started, but you need to know that I still am afraid and one day I hope to be a whole person. Good bye to you all for now.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Five days flown by

2006-04-01T01:18:00.000-05:00

Sorry it took me so long to post but I have been super busy, watching what I eat, exercising and working I have not had time to post. Everything is going great. I am doing well on my diet and I am weighing myself on Monday. I think I am going to be dissappointed but I will weight and see. So you all take the poll below so I can see what you all think. Remember I have been on the diet for almost two months so I will let you know how it goes.
I had a very interesting day yesterday. A guy came into my parking lot with a gun. He had a mental problem but the cops got him and took him to Georgia Regional. I was also on T.V. I was really nervous but the reporter was cute so I was ok after a while.
My riding is going real well. I am doing it every other day and loving it. I have alot more energy and I am down a pant and shirt size. I am so much happier than I have been in years. I hope I can keep it up.

"Hope is the pillar that holds up the world. Hope is the dream of a waking man."
Pliny the Elder
So the more I hope the more I can accomplish right?
Peace and Love!!

My poll!!!

2006-04-01T01:03:00.000-05:00

A brand new year

2006-03-26T08:41:00.000-05:00

Most people believe that the New Year is the time of year that you get to start over fresh, not me. I believe that it is the day you turn a year older. I mean you get so many chances in life to do the right thing, but you have got to be the one to change things. I use to do everything because others wanted me to do it, so that is why I always failed at them, because in my heart I thought that if I did not do these things I would not be liked or loved. I have been proven wrong. My weight has been an issue for as long as I can remember and those of you who know me know that Bob and I have had many battels when I was younger about that. Bob would put me on a diet and I would mess it up cause I thought he was doing it to be mean, but I learned over years past that maybe Bob is not the complete Ass I thought he was. In many aspects I admire his zest to go after what he wants.
There are four woman I admire in my life that make me feel like I can do whatever I set my mind to. The first is the woman that gave me life, my mother. She has done everything for me and always has and always will be there for me, she is the reason I am me. The second is the woman by which my whole family would unglue, my grandmother. Single mother and always there for her children and grandchildern no questions ask. Helps where she is or is not needed. The thrid is a woman who went through great lengths to achive her degrees in Nursing and would stop at nothing to make sure that her entire family is ok and would take off in a moments notice if someone were in trouble, my Aunt Lucy. The last and not least is the fabulous woman my brother married, Kari. Full of encouragement and always making sure that someone feels great about their decisioons in life and always with a great since of humor. Each have made me feel over the last few months that I can accomplish anything I ever wanted and that is why I feel that I can do this who thing that we call life.
Question: Did you ever feel that you have just given up on life? Well I have. I guess I ate and ate because I was like what the hell you know. I had just given up until that voice inside me was like I do not like what I am seeing, CHANGE IT!! So I am. The other day I did my day of indulge with chinese food and a movie and I literally got a stomach ach.
"Aging is not 'lost youth' but a new stage of opportunity and strength. '
Betty Friedan
This year marks the new stage in my life which gives me many opportunity and and strength to give me the zest I need to make the changes that I need to make. Have a great day, I know I will.
Peace and Love!!

The count down is almost over!!

2006-03-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

To day is Saturday March 25, 2006, exactly one day till my birthday. I am becoming so old that I think I am going to cry. No really though, I do not know what it is about this year that is so much different from all the other ones that I have celebrated in the past. I think it is because I am changing so much about myself that I am actually looking forward to turning a new age. It kinda goes with the new name, and exercise bike. In the long run I can not run from myself and I think that is what I have been doing my whole life is running from myself. Well I tell you what though that is changing as of now.
Last night was so hilarious. I have this friend, Shonique, and we were working together last night and she said she wanted to come up with a nickname for me since she calls Jeremy snowman. I said sure, what the hell. I have never had a nickname my whole life and it is kinda nice to have a friend who wants to give you one so I came up with apples for her and my new nickname is scrumcious. I do not know why cause she has never tried to eat me before so I am just as confused as you are.
Well I am going to start getting myself together for work.
"I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel." Elizabeth Arden
I know in the past I have like hated getting older but like this quote, you have to got to feel young to be young.
Peace and Love!!

Call me Joseph!!

2006-03-24T15:32:00.000-05:00

For those of you who do not know I am in the process of changing me. My weight, looks and attitude are being changed. Just a couple of more changes to let you know about:

I go by my middle name Joseph now
My new email address is mjoseph.hampton@gmail.com

The reason I have decided to use my middle name is because my old life is associated with my old name and I like my middle name. The people who have always called me Michael can still do so, but when I meet new people I will introduce myself as Joseph. I know that you guys are liked totally confused but I thought the new me needed a new name and as far as the email address I am in the process of eliminating AOL and I needed an email address.

You guys have been so supportive that I really thank you foe it. When I get my next check I am getting contacts also.

"If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks." Steve Pavlina
I am trying not to let insults get the best of me anymore you guys try to do the same.

Peace and Love!!!

Fall off get back on

2006-03-22T12:33:00.000-05:00

Well it finally happened, I fell off my bike. Yesterday on my normal bike ride, my handle bars came loose and when I turned my bike around they came completely loose and I flew off the bike landed in the grass and I hit my knee on the curb. I tell you what I was almost right there tempted to give up but I held my own and I was fine and I walked my bike home, parked it, and walked around the neighborhood to finish my exercises since I could not ride the bike.

Bob wrecked his truck on Sunday and Mom ended up with a rental that now she does not want to get rid of. It is a Chevrolet Empala. I am thinking about getting a Chevy when I buy a car, but that is up in the air. I am looking, but by the end of the year I will have a new car. They are helping me so much that I am thankful.

I am still trying to figure out the whole Jeremy saga. For those of you who have been reading you know that I have been having problems trying not to choke him to death. He keeps saying that I am his friend, I do not know maybe one day. Maybe I am acting like a two year old.

One day maybe I will grow up. For an update to you guys I am turning 21 again for the fourth year on Sunday. I am not looking forward to this one. I am not eating cake and since I am on a diet I know there will be food so I asked Mom not to do anything for me and she agreed. I will take cash and presents though.

The new car for now!!!

The messed up truck!!!

Aint this sweet!!

"Nothing is or can be accidental with God. "
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Everyone knows that I am starting a new life and all accidents that there are are not really accidents, some people believe that it has to do with gods plan. I on the other hand am learning that maybe god does have a reason for every thing.

Peace and Love!!!

My new blog

2006-03-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Kari I now know how to post a pic in my profile and I changed the names and other things. Enjoy my new look and I will report after my game tonight.

Happy 25th or 52nd?

2006-03-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Well today was not so bad. I got up, went to my grandmother's house with mom to drop Justin of for school. I went back to sleep and did not get up until after 11:00. I came home and gave Jeremy a cake for his birthday. We had pizza and played cards. I tell you what, I do not know if it is because Jeremy plays or what but I am a sore loser when it comes to him. I had an attitude for some reason. I do not know why I have these feelings sometimes when it comes to him. I mean normally I would not get so upset when Justin calls and does not ask to talk to me, but when Justin called him it was like something went off in me and I just wanted to reach over and choke him. I do not understand why Justin calls him and not anyone else, I mean what am I worried about it for I have not really been that great of a brother before and I do not know why it bothers me so much. I mean do not get me wrong it is not like this experience is going to open my eyes to a world of me starting to talk to my brother and get to know him more, I mean come on I am ten years older than he is.

Anyway after the call everything was great. We had fun and I did not even eat a piece of cake. I mean when they were and I really wanted a piece but I was good and did not do it. Jeremy won at cards and I came in third. I love having days off.

"In life if you are blessed with one really great friendship, I mean the kind where you would do anything for that person and visa versa, than you have accomplished more than you know."

I have made friends and lost friends but I think I am not friend material, I consider him a friend I guess, but sometimes I just do not like him. Is that weird.

Peace and love!!!

The day after St.Patty's day!!!

2006-03-18T13:13:00.000-05:00

So here I sit within the count down to when I have to go back to work. Last night when I left work and I hate to say that I actually wanted to stuff my face with McDonald's, but instead I went home and had some cantaloupe thinking of a big Mac. On a serious note I am thinking that the diet is working really great. I actually look in the mirror and smile because I am happy with what I see. I am losing weight and I can tell and also I am forming muscle and loving the bike rides.

St. Patrick's day was a bust. We were so damn busy I thought I was going to pull out my hair. I left the store cleaned well it was not that way when I got back to it after four days last week. What is it about these young people not wanting to work. I do not know and do not care. I hope that one day I will be able to finish school but I do not think that is going to happen and I think I have gotten use to it. I mean you work so hard to achieve something and I hate the whole aspect of sitting and thinking. I mean do not get me wrong I really do miss being in a classroom and doing homework. Every one who knows me knows that I am a great student and I loved the classroom buzz. I do not know maybe when I am out of bankruptcy.

"Search for and reach for the stars."

PEACE and LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 44th

2006-03-17T13:51:00.000-05:00

My mom celebrates her 44th birthday today. I can not believe that I have had this wonderful person as a mother. She is the reason I am me. She goes through great lengths to insure her children's happiness. I have always tried to do right and make her proud, failing in some aspects but achieving in others. When I came out she supported me and we have grown closer ever since. I thank her for all that I am and for helping me out along the way. I could not be me without her.

"When you look out in front of you, grow into the person you are, take a second to thank the person that has helped you along the way."

In this thought I would like to thank her. I love her and she is the one who has helped me.

Peace and Love and enjoy you special day MOM!!

24 Days and growing small!

2006-03-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

March 13, 2006

Febuary 17, 2006

Well here is my progress.

"Great things come in small packages"

PEACE AND LOVE!!!

People....Enough said!!!

2006-03-13T11:28:00.000-05:00

I am going to crawl into cave and disappear. Why is it that you bend over backwards for people, treat them nice and they stab you in the back? There is this lady that I work with and I treat her really nice. Well a couple of months ago she asked me about my personal life, you know whether I was gay or not and I told her no. Well she found out that I was and now it is world war 3. She feels like I lied to her, which I did, and she has been giving me attitude cause she feels I should have told her. She has been spreading lies and telling my employees that I am not the boss. I am so done with her. I went to my boss and told him on Friday and he said he would talk to her and I felt better about it. Well last night things got a whole hell of a lot worse. I had to work 7-3 and my boss asked me if I could work at another store from 7pm to 11pm.

Well that is not the bad part, She got to my store at 7 and yelled at one of my employees, another one had trouble with her paperwork and called me about it. She called me and asked me to talk to her about it so I did. Well I did and Virginia, that is the woman's name, called all of us idiots. Pam, the other woman having a problem, got wind of this and called Virginia and got on to her. Virginia called me and started to yell at her. I told her I am through with her. I will do my job with her as the supervisor but I am through trying to be her friend. I am so through.

On a lighter note my diet is going extremely well. I am still refusing to weigh myself. I know it is a little childish but I am scared to. The last time I was on a diet so upset that I went off my diet and said what the hell I am fat anyways. I am really doing well and do not want to get off track. I am actually enjoying the bike riding to. I mean my legs are killing me when I am done but each time I ride I can go a little further than the last time and I am smiling and finding myself less tired during the day. My appetite is diminishing and I am happy with my decision in life. I know there are a lot of people who are not happy with the fact that I am gay, but screw them. I started putting on the weight when I was in High School cause I had something to say and I was not happy about it. I even thought the only was out was to drive off a cliff. In life you choose a path and mine is set in stone as of this year. I have made a lot of mistakes in life and I am only shooting for the good. I may slip along the way but I am human and humans make mistakes.

I have done the whole Peace and Love at the end of my blog as kind of a special way of making it all mine. From now on I will leave a special quote, thought, or anecdote.

"In life you get to choose which direction you want to go. Even though you can go back, don't. Stay on the path you set, you never know it may be the right path for you."

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am up anyway!!

2006-03-12T02:59:00.001-05:00

As I sit here at 2:59 in the morning I ask myself, What am I doing with my life? I mean really. I just do not understand some adults. Jeremy is 24, my age, and has total disregard for everyone but himself. Justin is 15 and has no respect. I mean do not get me wrong I was 15 once myself. I have to be to work at 7 and I got woke up by them and Dale (a friend of Justin's) playing monopoly and Max barking at them but thinking that the noise was coming from outside. I asked them repeatedly to shut up, nicer at first then mean toward the end, but they ignored me and now I am sitting up typing in my blog. I just do not understand why they can not understand that people work and just tone it down a little. I mean I know we use to make noise but man I guess I am acting like a old fogie.

I mean to be my age and totally care free. Maybe I should stop showing concern for others and just start thinking of myself. I always think of others and try not to cause much trouble, but maybe I will forget all of that and just start thinking of myself. I am not even going to mention it to my mother cause sometimes I feel that she will not listen to me when if comes to certain aspects of Justin. Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. I will talk to her when I get home from work tomorrow. This is why I never want kids of never had any notion of adopting any.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!

A New Purchase!!!!

2006-03-09T12:50:00.000-05:00

Well guys I have done it. I have made the ultimate purchase in my exercising adventure. I bought a 26" Roadmaster Mountain bike. It is awesome and I love to hate it. I had to put 50 pounds of air in each tire. It was funny cause me and mom tried to use one of the home air hand pumps. It was so funny. I have no pictures though but I have really been trying. I went on my morning exercise ride and I almost fainted after on like ten minutes. Just like the other day when I tried to go around Lake Mayer on the bike. The seat is like hard on my bottom. LOL.

I am really enjoying the exercises that I do. Walking enjoying the day, I do not know it is exhilarating. I guess the riding will take some time cause of my weight and the fact that I have not rode one in like 10 years. I will get use to it. Plus my lungs are not fully healed yet. I wonder how long it takes for your lungs to heal? Well, I guess only time will tell.

In a lighter note, Nikki came by the other day and stole "Walk The Line." LOL! No really she came by on Monday and We were playing poker, Mom and Bob and I and of course 4 other people. I won by the way. Of course we were not playing for money. Why is it that I lose when money is involved but I win when it is for fun? I am off track, Nikki got the movie spent like two minutes then left. I hardly see her anymore, the joys of love.

Aunt Michelle and I work together for the same company again. As of next Wednesday she will be the manager of the store on Eisenhower and Skidaway. She is happy and I am glad she got the job. I will be moving to the BP on Diamond Causeway off of Waters heading toward the Landings. I am excited and am looking forward to the money that I will be making.

Well I am off to go to work so Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stole this from Kari.....

2006-03-05T23:47:00.000-05:00

....I got this from one of kari's blogs. Things I have been doing besides updating:

Seeing that the grass is greener on the other side
Sleeping
Working
Exercising
Working
Catching up on sleep
Work
Paying Bills
ohhh let me see and work a little more

For real though it has been a really challenging month for me. In 21 days I will be 25. I have made it a quarter a century. I have made it to the TWO MONTH mark of not smoking. I am so proud of myself. For the inquiring minds, my diet is going really great. I caught myself depriving myself by completely cutting out sodas so now I have one a day. I also, once a week, on my day off I get Chinese and indulge. I have stuck with the not eating after midnight. I am getting use to it but I have to remember to carry dinner with me or get something cheap and not full of fat. I have lost so I must be doing something right and I can feel it in my jeans. I am getting so much support from you guys and I am really grateful. You guys are the best and I wish you all well. Kari's sister in law left me a great comment and I thank her for that it was really nice.

My Uncle Bernie is doing really well. I hope things continue to go great for him. He has had a battle over the last few months and I hope he knows that I am here if him or Aunt Stacy need anything. I know I am not the best nephew but I am working on it and am here for him all the same.

Well I am off to bed I have tomorrow off and I want to get an early start.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIVE DAYS LATER!!!

2006-02-22T16:00:00.000-05:00

My boss decided that he was going to take my only day off,(which was suppose to be today) away from me so I have been busy walking, dieting, working, and sleeping. I really really think the diet is going to work for me this time. Justin gave me some words of encouragement, the bad kind. Telling me he has a pool going to see how long it is before I give up. He has given me two months. I will prove people wrong this time. I am not upset by it. Healthy cirticisim by the way. I mean look how many times it took me before I quit smoking. I tried for 4 years and I do not know it just seems that this year will be the year.

Every one wants to know why are things are different. Well they are different because last week I got a glimpse of myself 20 years from now and it was not pretty. My dad was in the hospital again and I walked into his room to see him and the nurse said "I will only be a second please wait in the hall", not that bad right, but as I was leaving I heard her say, "he looks just like you." My heart fell out of my chest. I do not want to be like him. I always felt that it was an unwritten law that you have to respect your parents. I mean you do not get to choose them, right? I have always tried to do it cause people wanted me to but this time it is for me. I like the kind thoughts and the words of encouragement. This time I did it cause I looked at myself in that mirror of self critisim and I said it is time to change and change I shall.

I had an appointment with my lawyer today and I surrendered my car so I do not have to pay insurance on it now and I am happy about that. Work is going ok but I, along with my employees, have to go for a polygraph test cause of bad inventories. I am not worried cause I know I do not steal, but I always hate being stared at and judged before trial. I am just nervous. Well I have got to get ready for work.

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Payday!!

2006-02-17T14:02:00.000-05:00

I love payday. The getting of the paycheck, the cashing of the paycheck, and the long lines at the bank. Man is there anything better.<--------------I am using sarcastic qutaions as I am writing this. LOL. Well not having to pay car insurance is a good thing and I will have enough to buy a car outright by May so I am happy.

On the family note, I read Kari's blog and wish her luck with Lucas cause she is going to need it. He is already scooting around, and he is only 29 weeks. Smart kid, possibly the first rocket Scientist in our family,

I also wish Aunt Stacy and Uncle Bernie luck with everything they are going through. They have been having a hard time since Uncle Bernie found out he had cancer about six months ago, so I wish them well.

My life is going great, I started my diet this morning so I am really going to do it this time. I already cut soda out and sweets I had a little bit of pasta for lunch and I am drinking a lot of water. Here is my before picture.

February 17, 2006 is the date today and I am going to go a year and see how it goes so every month expect an update and a picture. I quit smoking so lets see if I can quit eating. Have a great Friday.

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Bye!!!

2006-02-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

My car is dead, yes dead. It is official as of 6:30 last night. I was on my home with dinner and boom my car shut off, which is not unusual cause it always shuts off on occasion. Well last night it was making a bad Mack truck noise and then it would not stay cranked so guys I say good bye to a long time friend. Even though it will be a while before I am able to get a new car I wanted to take a moment to say good bye.

Also, I could not take mom and Bob out to dinner cause the restaurant was booked like after 10 minutes that they started taking reservations so we all settled with Kyoto Express.

On a happier note, Shon and I had a fabulous time yesterday. We went to have our nails done. Yes I had a manicure yesterday and it was the best. I am thinking on having a mani-pedi every week. It is an us thing, followed by lunch at Applebees where I had a bahama mama, and last, pool and a beer at Capones.

Except for the dinner and car thing it was a pretty good VD.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi there and welcome back!!

2006-02-14T07:37:00.000-05:00

Well guys I have kept you in suspense long enough. There has been a mistake on my screen name that I have recently come to find out. There is no space in AiresRooster. I have been working like crazy. Gotta pay them bills. Been doing a little shopping and selling so I have been really busy.

Mom is great. She and Bob just celebrated 15 years together. Congratulations guys on 15 and here is to 15 more. I am taking them to dinner at Masto's tonight for their anniversary and I ordered these beautiful plum crazy flowers that should be here on Thursday. <------ Yes I messed up and did not order the flowers until their annversary so they will not be here until thursday.

Work is work. I have been working a lot of hours. With the not smoking it has been really stressful but I am doing great on that front. In 18 days I will be smoke free for 2 months. I think I will celebrate with a cigarette.<-------------JUST JOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going out with a friend from work this morning so I have to start getting ready. Then I have dinner so I will write later.

Peace and Love and Happy Valentines Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The world at large.

2006-02-09T08:26:00.000-05:00

As I was driving yesterday to the phone company I took a moment to stop and smell the flowers, literally. I got out of my car and stopped and bent down and smelt the flowers. What does it take to stop just for a second and just take it all in. The flowers, the blue sky, and life. It is all miraculous to me. Life in general, I mean do you ever notice how in a hurray people are. I was at starbucks and everyone was in a rush, including me.

So I make a plea to everyone who reads this. Recent events have caused me to realize how short life can be and how we do not enjoy it. So take a step back and love life and take in the little things.

I wish Bob a happy 47th birthday. The last three days have been really hectic with work and people quitting so I have not had time to stop and do my blog. When I get home at night I am ready for bed. My tax money is finally in and I bought me a bluetooth ear piece for my phone. I love it to death. Other than that my new phone works great. I had a great week and and wish all of you the same.

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP!! FIRE! FIRE!

2006-02-06T06:51:00.000-05:00

It is official, Bob is 47 years old. I swear I almost had to call the fire department last night as you can tell by the cake. I took some great pics, but could not get everyone cause I had to rush to work. Certain people were missed that could not be at Bobs party.

Mom plays a joke on Bob by switching his candles and pretending she knows nothing about it.

Help the fire!

The fire is gone hurray.

Bob with Kaliegh as he opens his cards.

Aunt Sam with Kaleigh, Steven and Lucas, isn't that cute.

Aunt Sam now annoyed cause Steven wants to watch T.V.!

Aunt Kari with the Kids.

Lucas is growing like a weed, cute in his little jeans.

Our family friend Cindy with her two girls Marie and Michelle.

Kaliegh, our last pic of her for a while as she heads back to Arizona with her mother Angela who was missed.

All in all I had fun for like the hour I was there. Kari also has pics if you want to see her version at www.karihun.blogspot.com. The time we all had together was great and the amazing thing is I did not get any pictures of David and Ashley who was also there. I hope you all have a great day.

PIECE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 1 month and 2 days.

2006-02-04T01:53:00.000-05:00

It is official, I have reached the 1 month hump of not smoking. I am so proud of myself. It is so hard to quit when you live with a bunch of smokers. I have OVERCOME!! I still feel the urges but I feel better than I have in years. I did not get to take Ashley out for her birthday because I was sick so we have plans for Monday.

I did not get the promotion at work cause my boss feels that I am better suited at night. I think it is the whole trusting me issue. They rather have someone they trust closing. It is fine. I do not know what I was thinking. Constantly on call, having to get up at 5 to be to work at 6. Man just thinking about it gives me the shakes. Oh well maybe next year.

On a brighter note, My Uncle is doing really good. I have been keeping in touch with Aunt Stacy and everything seems good. I am going to go and see them when I am not sick. Mom is having Bob's kids over on Sunday for his birthday cake. He will be the big 47 on Wednesday. I can not believe they will be married for 15 years next Sunday the 12th.

I changed my screen name and cell number so just email me if you want it and I will give it to you.

Well I got a long day tomorrow so I am off to bed.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOPS!!

2006-02-02T12:11:00.000-05:00

I kinda let my blog go because I was sick. I am a little better now but still feel the affects of the flu. Everything is good. I finished the fourth season of Gilmore Girls and then ran out yesterday and bought the fifth season and Mom and I are already on the third disc. I will not bore you with the details.

Work is going really good. I might make Manager but am not going to hold my breath. I heard through the grape vine that a manager is leaving and Jennifer is going to that store but I do not know.

Mom is her charming self. We played poker last night and Allen finally won a game. I was the first one out but I had fun and we were not playing for money so I did not lose anything.

I am going to lie down before work cause I do not feel right so I will chat with you laters.

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is so weird!

2006-01-31T10:42:00.000-05:00

I had to write a short summary to tell you that I found old pictures and report cards from the 90s. It is not old to the older people but it is to my generation.

I mean I am talking about stuff from 90 when I was in the third grade. Amazing to think I was ever that skinny. My head was bigger than my body, Nicole looked like an alien and David and Curtis looked like humans. Man time gone by. 16 years to be exact and I tell you that it is cool to actually know people that far back. One that sticks to mind is Bambi Fisher. Kari and her are great friends and I knew her in third grade, man talk about a small world.

Well gotta run!!!!

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am an extinguished seller and buyer!!

2006-01-30T13:59:00.000-05:00

I am like so happy guys. I am selling on eBay and buying and I love it. I had to go to the post office this morning and I thought I had a plan. I went as soon as they opened and thought I would be the first one there. WRONG! I was like the 20th person in line. At least I remember what was going to whom. I love being a seller.

To top off the good news that I know most of you could care less about, Gilmore Girls Season 4 came today. It takes its place along with the other three seasons that I already have. I hate to be sentimental guys but this is a show that both me and my mother watch together and gives us we time. I never really had much in common with my mother but this is like our bonding show. LOL. I hope you all have a great day I am off to watch the show with my mom. Then I have to be to work at 5. So Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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